The Lock

There are two kinds of rules in the universe: physical rules and constructed rules.

Physical rules are described by the laws of physics. They are as immutable as they are absolute. You don’t get to decide if you want to follow them.

Constructed rules are different. They only control the humans that believe in them.

• You’re not supposed to drive on the wrong side of the road but physically there’s nothing stopping you from doing so

• You won’t die if you wear white after labour day. What is white anyway? The color categories are humans constructions just like nearly everything else. White is just what we call the combination of all colors in the narrow band of light that the average human can perceive.

• You must go to college to be successful

• You must suffer through a job you hate for the sake of your career

Constructed rules have at best a tenuous relationship with reality. They represent the averages, or the perceived averages, but the universe does not conspire to enforce them the way she enforces her physical laws. I’ve driven on the wrong side of the road both literally and figuratively many times— I’m still here.

Most humans know why they’re suffering.

Most humans know what they want to explore next in their lives.

The problem was never knowing, it was taking action.

The constructed rules keep us in place by pacifying our ambitions and giving us reason for pause.

I call the set of constructed rules a person follows their Lock. Every individual has some rules they choose to live their lives by. Many are there for good reason and have proven their merits over a lifetime. As for the rest, they just keep you from living your best life.

Now the funny thing about these Locks is that it’s much easier to pick another person’s than to open your own. We have a lot of trouble seeing ourselves in an honest light. For that we often need friends, family and mentors.

Just this week I was able to help a friend see past her lock and start the process of finding a new job. She knew what she wanted, she had just conjured some objections that were keeping her in place. This is natural, we are a storytelling race, and when we’re suffering our brains ALWAYS make up stories to explain that suffering. We seek meaning in everything, even months/years of pain that leads to nothing. Many of our constructed rules come from this toxic rationalizing. But there’s good news, my friend made the jump, now she’s ecstatic.

Do your best to think critically about the locks and chains you’ve put yourself in. Remember that they can be taken off at any time. Since we know we’re not as good at this as others, make sure you have human mirrors in your life who can help unlock you.

When you see a friend who is being tied down by their locks and chains, do your best to help them see just how unencumbered they really are. A simple word of encouragement or properly framing the situation from an outside perspective go a really long way. If you do this for the people you care about, they’ll start doing it for you.

Finally, humans are always going to have rules we make up for ourselves and for others. Every rule that’s ever existed is made up and has nothing fundamental that makes it so. If we insist on constructing such rules, let’s at least choose the ones that improve our lives and cast off those that do not.